How Do You Solve a Problem Like a Levi?

He climbs a tree and scrapes his knee
His jeans have got a tear
He struts his way to Bible class
And whistles on the stair
And underneath his ball cap
He has moosed his curly hair
I even heard him swearing in the alley

He's always late for supper's grace
But his penitence is real
He's always late for everything
Except for every meal
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
This Levi's not an asset to the galley

I'd like to say a word in his behalf
That Levi makes me laugh

How do you solve a problem like a Levi?
How do you catch a clown and pin it down?
How do you find a word that captures Levi?
A Hollywood fake! A pin-up you say? A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him
Many a thing he ought to understand
But how do you make him stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sands

Oh, how do you solve a problem like a Levi?
How does a Ricky Hollywood shake hands?

When I'm with him I'm confused
Out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am
Unpredictable as weather
He's as phony as fake leather
He's a darling! He's a demon! He's a sham!

He'd out-pester any pest
Drive a hornet from its nest
He would kick a spinning X-Box to be rude
He is gentle! He is wild!
He's a riddle! He's a child!
He's a headache! He's an angel!
He's a dude!

How do you solve a problem like a Levi?
How do you catch a clown and pin it down?
How do you find a word that captures Levi?
A Hollywood fake! A pin-up you say? A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him
Many a thing he ought to understand
But how do you make him stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sands

Oh, how do you solve a problem like a Levi?
How do you hold a dill-weed in your hands?

My humble apologies to Rogers and Hammerstein.

Cross-posted on Generational Dysfunction